If you admire a television pundit who shouts This is the ‘NO SPINE ZONE’ who has a real tall head, and a resonant voice, get your self some Genuine Tea Party Head Boards.
After a hot shower when your head is soft, strap them on and tighten the cords.
Each time you shower, do this, and after a while you can have a head like other leaders of the Tea Party movement, or Possum News Network pundits.
If you get a real tall head, gravity will cause the brain to settle in the bottom of the brain pan.
This will leave a hollow space near the top, and you will have a much more distinguished voice.
You can say almost anything, and it will be empty of real content and yet beautiful in tone.
There will be some problems with the change of air pressure on planes.
Should you begin to believe in science you will have room for your brain to expand.
If shot in the head by another gun toting conservative your chance of survival goes up by 30%. If shot by a liberal, they aim low.
Do not cheat yourself out of the look you so richly deserve. Get the genuine Neoconservative Head Press.